What Kids Taught Me About Leadership

I have 2 daughters. One is 8. The other is 4.

Studies show that they are the two most beautiful, precious daughters in the world.

It's been proven. By science.

When the topic of leadership gets brought up, I instantly think of how I am a leader to them.  Now I have to admit, I've never led a massive sales team, or infantry, or anything of great magnitude, though training upwards of 20 clients at a time in my personal training business should count for something.  In fact, the largest "team" you could say I've led was a team of 24 high school boy's varsity baseball players as we put together and managed a course for a 5K race/walk to benefit a charity.  Which some might say is more difficult to lead, considering they were teenage boys doing it on a Saturday morning for community service hours versus a motivated sales team or trained soldiers.

Any who, back to my daughters.

Looking at them, I realize there are few roles in this world more important than a father raising daughters (possibly only topped by a mother raising sons).  And it's in this role that I realize a few things:

1. Who I am and how I treat my daughters is the exact kind of man they will bring home one day.
2. How I treat my daughters is how I should treat everyone.
3. How I raise my daughters is a direct reflection of my own level of personal development.
4. My daughters truly are the future. If they're going to make a difference in the world, it will be based on the values I've instilled within them in their developmental years.

So based on those realizations, I've come up with my top 3 lessons my daughters have taught me about being a leader.  The point of these is to use them in growing and developing your own team as well as yourself.

1. Monkey see, monkey do. No matter what I tell my kids to do, if my actions speak otherwise, they won't listen.  If I tell them every day the importance of telling the truth, and turn around and never uphold a promise to them, they'll do just that in life.  This has really put my feet to the flame because my daughters, I'm sure like most, ask a million and one things starting with "Daddy can I..." and ending with some odd request either for a toy they saw in a commercial, or a grandiose place they want to visit.  I have to be very careful to not just say "Yeah honey sure" to everything and just not follow through.  Which also helps my kids learn to hear the word "No" every once in a while when its the most fitting answer.  The point is, if you want to instill integrity in your team, you have to be it.

2. Empower them.  So many times, I'll ask a request of one of my girls and they'll reply "but I can't."  Now I have a bit of a rule in my household, and kind of a general rule about life.  Never say "I can't." Instead, I make them ask themselves "how can I?"  By doing so, they learn the value of being independent and even interdependent in order to find a solution to a problem.  This is much better than the alternative, which is to do everything for them and raise them in a state of constant dependency. While many leaders are capable of doing all the roles within their team, its much easier to trust and delegate those roles to focus on the most productive and strength-driven tasks.

3. Let them explore their free will.  I've never understood parents who jump at their kids the moment they try and do something on their own (sorry if you're one of those parents).  Children are naturally curious.  They're naturally creative.  They naturally want to explore. (Interesting enough, so are adults) I say let em.  My wife disagrees.  When they're at the park, they have one rule, "be careful."  With those two simple words, they get to run around to their heart's desire and be kids.  If one tries to jump off a slide and gets hurt, they get the "were you being careful?" from me.  They say no, I say "next time be more careful" and then they're off again.  Let them explore their own limits, don't set them for them.  When they're home making pictures or crafts, it's "just don't make a mess", which gives them the opportunity to use up all their creative energy on any project they'd like, as long as they don't make a mess.  Now the opposite of all this is the dreaded "micro manager" who watches their every movement and tells them "don't do that" or "do it like this" at every turn.  My goal is to develop my kids to use up their full potential for themselves and be leaders, not set predetermined limits on them they might never have the courage to explore for themselves as they grow older.

As my kids grow older, I learn more and more not just about myself and what kind of leader I am, but I also get to see their growth as a sort of feedback loop.  I can reexamine how I've taught them life lessons, and compare it to the results.  If I see my kids are polite, generous, respectful, bright, talented, and creative, then I can use that as a reflection of my methods.  If, on the other hand, my kids start showing signs of greed, disrespect, bitterness, and even violence, well, then, maybe I need to rethink the kind of monkey my kids are following and do something to change those results.

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Mark Lopez blogs about leadership and personal development in order to strengthen his own leadership skills.  As a Christian, father, husband, and CEO of his own life, Mark looks to empower others so they can lead life by their own design.  To learn more about Mark, follow him on Facebook.

The Law Of Attraction

Probably my favorite "success principle" if you will, in earning and achieving anything you want, is the Law of Attraction.

Here's Wikipedia's definition:

The law of attraction is the name given to the belief that "like attracts like" and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, one can bring about positive or negative results. This belief is based upon the idea that people and their thoughts are both made from "pure energy", and the belief that like energy attracts like energy.

Basically you attract what you think about most. For those who are fans of the book or movie "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, you should have a better idea of what I'm talking about.

If you start your morning thinking "Man today is going to be a miserable day! " well guess what? Chances are you're going to have a miserable day.

If, on the other hand, you wake up Monday morning and the first thought that goes into your head is "Today is going to be great!", those thought vibrations will not only get sent out to the universe and attract things that are "great" in your life, but your subconscious will begin to look for things that are "great" instead of things that are "miserable", and your brain will begin to be more open to opportunity instead of misfortune.

I've found there are five ways to use the Law Of Attraction to attract anything you want into your life.

1. Affirmations. I put this first because as soon as I began doing them, I noticed an almost immediate positive effect.  An Affirmation is simply a declaration to oneself a statement that is true.  For example, I have a list of affirmations written on my bathroom mirror so it is the first thing I see and read every morning.  One of them is "I am so excited to be working with hundreds of positive, motivated leaders."  I recommend writing down a list of 5-10 things that excite you, that you're grateful for, or that want to attract more of, write it in the present personal tense ("I am", "I have"), and place them somewhere to see and read to yourself (out loud works best) daily.  Believe without a shadow of a doubt that what you want is already yours. You just need to go out there and get it.

2. Asking questions.  I attribute a lot of my journey and where my life has taken me to the questions I ask myself and the answers I've come up with.  I think it starts with asking the big questions first. "Why am I here?" "What is my purpose?". Yeah, those big questions.  The other part is asking yourself empowering questions, questions that lead you to take more action.  Instead of saying "I can't do that.", ask yourself "how can I do that?" and force your brain to think up of a solution.  And don't be afraid to ask for big requests.  When you ask for something wild and out of your comfort zone and follow with a "now how can I make this happen?", you'll be surprised what comes your way.

3. Be the person.  It's been said that when building a team of leaders, the first step is to write down a list of the top 10 things you want to see in a leader.  Character. Integrity. Confidence.  The second step is to be that person.  Like attracts like.  Lions don't spend their time around the company of rats, and lions can smell a rat from a mile away.

4. Take massive action. In the words of Jim Carrey, "you can't ask the universe for ten million dollars, and then go make a sandwich." Your thoughts and words will attract to you all the people and events you need to succeed at anything you want.  But when that opportunity comes up, its your actions that make it all come to fruition.  Remember, you are 100% responsible for everything that happens in your life.  No one will change it for you.

5. Let Go Of The Brakes.  What dominating thoughts about yourself and who you are is slowing you down? Do you constantly tell yourself "you're not smart enough to do that" or "you're not good enough" or "you don't deserve that"?  What if you instead started looking at all the things you want in life and started telling yourself "yes you are smart enough and talented enough to have that, and you deserve it too!"  Now that would be a game changer.  Before you go full speed and tackle life, make sure to let go of the brakes first!

Using the Law of Attraction as a tool in my journey has been powerful. Empowering, even.  And if you'd like to learn more, definitely check out "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne.

And don't forget to Like/Comment/Share!

Mark Lopez blogs about leadership and personal development in order to strengthen his own leadership skills.  As a Christian, father, husband, and CEO of his own life, Mark looks to empower others so they can lead life by their own design.  To learn more about Mark, follow him on Facebook.

Defining Your Core Values

During my lifetime, I'm sure as in yours, I've been faced with difficult decisions.

In fact, come to think of it, I'm faced with decisions every day.

Some more difficult than others.

What makes them difficult is not so much the decision itself, but the consequences of those decisions.

Positive or negative.

Big or small.

And most importantly, where that decision takes me on my path.

Through it all, I've learned to base every decision based on one key factor.

My compass.

My guiding core values that have allowed me to make the best, most sound decision with the resources and knowledge I have at the time.

Today I want to share with you what my compass looks like.  Yours may not look anything like mine.  Yours might be exactly like mine.  But the point I want to reach is to decide today what your compass will look like.  It will help each major and minor decision you make from this point on that much easier to make.  With fewer regrets and more personal fulfillment.

Here it is...

GOD

FAMILY

BUSINESS

FRIENDS

SELF

In that order.  That is the hierarchy of my core values.

What do I mean by this?

Basically, any time I come to a crossroads and need to know which direction to take, I look at those core values.  God first, then family, then my business, then my friends, then myself.

I understand that as long as I focus on doing what God wants and asks of me, everything else falls into place.  From there, I check to see if the decision will benefit my family. Then business, then friends, and so on.

Based on these values, I can always know how to divide up my time, my money, my energy, and my focus.  For example, when I had my personal training business, I was my own boss.  That means I set my own hours, set my own rates, and designed my life and schedule however I wanted to.  When you have unlimited choices, sometimes the hardest thing is to make a choice.  Which is why I placed the importance of my business beneath my faith and my family.  Because I knew that if left unchecked, my business would take full control of my life and my higher values would suffer.  But based on that hierarchy, I had 2 rules for my business.

1. I never trained clients on Sundays.

2. If I sensed my family needed my attention, I put my work away.

Simple.

And sure, I could have probably made a lot more money if I buried myself in work all day every day, but again, making a ton of money wasn't and isn't my top priority in life.  As I like to say "chase the dream and the money will follow."

Another example is with my friends.  No doubt, over the years, my circle of friends has shrunk.  Not that I was Mr. Popular in my younger years, but the time and energy and focus I've put into my friends has certainly diminished.  That's because I've devoted all my time, energy, and focus on my faith first, then my family, then my business.  But still, my friends' needs come before my own.  Which is why I'm always open to helping friends move.  Because while everyone else is suddenly "busy" when it comes to helping friends with the tough task of relocating, to me it's an opportunity to help out even though I could be at home taking time for myself.

Now notice I put myself at the bottom.  I do this for two reasons. One, because deep down I believe I am a selfless person instead of a selfish one.  It's been a long time since I've had the "me me me" attitude towards life.  But mainly, because I know that as long as I take care of the first four, that I've served my God, and my family, and my business, and my friends, then I will be taken care of regardless.

Now again, what I set as my hierarchy of priorities doesn't have to be the same as yours.  What I think is important is setting them and sticking to them.  It not only makes decision making that much easier, but I believe it sets a standard for living.  It creates integrity within yourself to say "these are the 5 most important things in my life in this specific order.  This order will not change, and everything I say and do will be based on serving this order."

So I encourage you to create your compass today if you haven't yet.  Allow it not only to be the guiding light towards every decision you make (I know I know, I've probably overkilled that word in this post), but also allow it to define who you are.

Don't forget to Like/Comment/Share!

Mark Lopez blogs about leadership and personal development in order to strengthen his own leadership skills.  As a Christian, father, husband, and CEO of his own life, Mark looks to empower others so they can lead lives of success, happiness, and personal fulfillment.  To learn more about how Mark can help you live on purpose, e-mail him at thatninjamark@yahoo.com or follow him onFacebook.

My #1 Lesson from American Ninja Warrior

It was Sunday.

Two days before show time.  Denver was giving us some wicked weather all week, but today was especially brutal.

A group of about 30 competitors had been in the walk on line for American Ninja Warrior for about 5 days at this point.  Park policy wouldn't allow us to camp out overnight, so we would stay there from 5am when the park opened until 11pm when it closed, with 3 hours of breaks each day and roll call at the beginning and end of each.  If you missed roll call, your name got bumped to the end of the line.

We were a hungry bunch.  Most had taken off of work, traveled across the country, essentially becoming homeless for 2 weeks in order for a chance to tackle the World's Toughest Obstacle course.  Their dream and passion and the reason they trained so intensely year after year was upon them.  Some had even spent 3 days camped out at other regional locations, didn't make the cut, then traveled to Denver for another shot.

Most of the week was spent sitting around watching the course get built, playing football or light workouts to get used to the mile high elevation, or hanging out in local coffee/sandwich shops during break.

Today was different though.  The elements put everyone's will to the test.  We all arrived from our warm cars/hotel/hostel rooms promptly at 5am to make roll call, where it had already started to drizzle rain.

Traditionally everyone showed up for roll call, then tucked away to sleep for another few hours until the sun came up.  That didn't happen.  By 6am, the rain turned to freezing rain.  And it continued.  By 7:30am, every single sleeping bag was soaking wet in freezing rain and every tent was seeping water inside.  The mental fortitude to take on the course was there, but no one expected our biggest enemy to be the weather.  Hypothermia was a very real threat for all of us that morning.

In the end, we all decided as a group that it was safest to find warmth and shelter, and reconvene
 every couple hours to do roll call.  Smart move considering it snowed until noon the following day.

--

Tuesday. Game Day.

A year's worth of training and preparation came down to today.  As a walkon in the first 10 spots, I expected to be one of the first athletes to take on the course.  "Between 9-10pm" I told myself and others all week. "I'm running the course between 9-10pm".  I based my training, nutrition, and sleep around that time.  I wanted to make sure I was in peak performance mode by then. Traditionally, they take the first 10 walkons run the course first before letting the call-backs go.  I was #9.

Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way.  After the first 5 walk-ons took on the course, they pulled myself and the other 4 competitors to the side with a "hey we're going to let a few call-backs go then we'll bring you on."  So the logical thing to do was to stay light, stay warm.  Pretty tricky to do in 36 degree weather.

--

2:30am.

Time to run the course.

After letting 65 athletes go in front of us, then taking a lunch break, they finally let us go.  By then it's too late.  The 5 of us are exhausted from bouncing around trying to keep warm in the freezing weather for 4 hours.  We missed our peak and still had the course in front of us.  The first man goes and falls on the 4th obstacle (out of 6). Next goes and falls on the 3rd.  Next goes and falls on the 2nd.  I go and fall on the first. Yup. First. The quintuple steps.  The obstacle I had the least worry over after 4 years as a track and field jumper
and hurdler wipes me out. Ice buildup on the steps may have had a part to do with it, the weather and poor timing may have as well.  But excuses aside, I didn't respect the course or the elements and took it on like it was a warm sunny day and I was at my peak.  There's always next year.

But I'm grateful to have run the course.  #10 goes and falls on the 5th obstacle.  And that's it.  Of the 30+ athletes camping out in freezing weather for 7 days, they only let 10 walk ons run. So yes, it certainly could have been worse for me.

--

So what do I have to learn from the whole experience? What is my #1 take home lesson?

LIVE FOR THE JOURNEY, NOT THE OUTCOME.

Of the 10 days I spent in Denver, I had the least fun on actual competition day.  I spent 6 days building relationships and bonding with fellow ninjas, learning training tips, tricks, and techniques, networking and finding out all the best gyms to check out.  On the day of, we were all just treated like cattle with a number, herded into this section and that, pictures here, interviews there.  It's still a TV show after all.

But if I let my previous 2 years of training and week of essentially being homeless be defined by my performance the day of, I could consider myself a failure.  But I don't.  Because it wasn't about the outcome.  It was about the journey.  They gyms I've gone to and continue to explore.  The training I've done and continue to push myself in.  The people I've met and continue to meet.  And the community I've grown to be apart of.  Those things can't be defined by the 3 minutes of potential network television time we all look forward to getting.

So for today, I ask you to look at all the things you aspire to be in your life.  Your goals, your visions, your passions.  No doubt you've had failure along the way.  Roadblocks.  Obstacles.  You can't let those define you though.  It's the road you take and the experiences you have and the person you become along the way that really matters.  The same goes for your successes.  Bask in the glory of success, but not too long.  Set bigger goals, cast greater visions, never stop improving.

I'm still training for American Ninja Warrior.  And I'm going to continue training for as long as it's around.  Even if and when I do complete the entire course, I'll make sure to train harder and show up the following year.  Because it's not about the course at all.  It's who I'm becoming along the way.

Don't forget to like/comment/share!

Mark Lopez blogs about leadership and personal development in order to strengthen his own leadership skills.  As a Christian, father, husband, and CEO of his own life, Mark looks to empower others so they can lead lives of success, happiness, and personal fulfillment.  To learn more about how Mark can help you live on purpose, e-mail him at thatninjamark@yahoo.com or follow him onFacebook.