Stop Stressing Start Living

I used to stress a lot.

Like hair falling out (only partially from me pulling it out), rapid weight fluctuations, no such thing as a good nights' sleep sort of stress.

I remember going to a convention for my current company in Atlanta, GA and spending a few nights in a hotel there.  While there, I spoke to my wife over the phone who told me about an interesting observation she made.

She said, "so you know how I make the bed each day, and each morning when we wake up the sheets are mangled and twisted and a complete mess?"

"Yes" I reply.

"Well I noticed, that during the last few nights you've been gone, all I have to do to fix the bed is get up, tuck the corner of the top sheet where I slept, and the bed's perfect."

While we both had a great laugh about it, it was definitely a sign that I obviously wasn't sleeping well.  And by 'not sleeping well', I mean I was a violent sleeper.  Tossing, turning, kicking, waking up 3 or 4 times before my alarm.  I should have noticed from the fact that I hadn't remembered dreaming in over 5 years.  Looking back, I doubt I ever reached that deep REM sleep during a typical night.

I can't even begin to talk about how little I stress these days.  Like to the point where if I told you how peaceful and serene my life is, and how great I sleep at night, I'd come off as bragging.

Through this journey of mine, I learned that there are 2 main sources of stress, that once fixed, can make a world of difference.

The first source, is trying to control things we have no control over.

I'm going to say that again.  The first source of stress is trying to control those things we have no control over, and will never have control over.

You're never going to control traffic.
You'll never control what other people think of you.
You can't control what other people say to you or about you.
You're never going to get everyone to like you.
And you definitely can't control the results of anything you do.

I have one piece of advice to immediately relieve your stress in those circumstances.

LET GO.

That's right.  Let go!  Stop trying to control everything and give it up to God, or the Universe, or whatever power you believe in that is superior to your human efforts.

You can't control traffic, stop complaining.  No matter what you do, there are people who will think, say, and do things you don't want them to.  In a nice a way as you can, just tell them to piss off.  Just do you, be you, and if they don't like it, good.  They don't need to be apart of your life anyway and now you know to stop trying to please them because nothing you do will make them any happier.

No matter how strong your efforts, you can't control the results.  Only the process.  No amount of practice can guarantee a team will win a game.  No amount of preparation can guarantee a sale.  So practice as hard as you can, prepare as much as you can, and let go of the results.  That's not up to you.

This goes right into the second source of stress, which is not controlling the things you can control.

You have the choice as to how you react to what other people say and do to and about you.
You have the choice as to what you read and watch and the thoughts that enter your head.
You have the choice to decide what your priorities are and schedule your life around them.

So to that, I say, take 100% responsibility.

Stop blaming others for why you are where you are.  It's not your parents fault. It's not your kids fault. It's not your boss' fault.  It's not the president's fault.

If you're stressed out mentally, mediate more.  Spend more time in self reflection.
If you're stressed out physically, go for a run.  Do yoga.  Go to the gym.  Eat better foods.
If you're stressed out emotionally, call a friend and share a few laughs with them.
If you're stressed out financially, make more sales.  Take control of your budget.  Create a new stream of income.

Most importantly, only do things that excite you.  If it doesn't excite you to do something, find someone who is excited to do it.  They'll do it better, faster, you get the credit, and they get to do something they enjoy. Win-win.

It was a slow progression, but as I steadily learned to let go of all the things I had no control of and just went with the flow, rolled with the punches, I started sleeping better.

When I stopped blaming others and playing the victim and began to take control of every aspect of my life from the books I read, to the people I associated myself with, to sitting down and getting my priorities and schedule in order, I started to dream again.

How cool is that?  

The simple act of deciding to take 100% responsibility for my own life allowed me to control my circumstances and now I sleep like a baby doped up on Benedryl.  It's a beautiful thing.

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Mark Lopez blogs about leadership and personal development in order to strengthen his own leadership skills.  As a Christian, father, husband, and CEO of his own life, Mark looks to empower others so they can lead life by their own design.  To learn more about Mark, follow him on Facebook.

Winners Vs Losers

Are you a winner or a loser?

You're probably thinking "Of course I'm a winner".  No one wants to think of themselves as a loser.  The problem though, is that in life, many people who think they are winners, in reality, are actually losers.

Here are 7 major differences between winners and losers.  Make sure to take a minute between each to fully make sure you are a winner.  And if not, well, it's time to switch your thoughts and actions and start winning.

1) Winners congratulate other winners.  Losers are secretly jealous/envious of winners.  When someone at your job gets a promotion, are you happy for them?  Or are you secretly wishing it were you instead?  Real winners are secure with their abilities and aren't threatened by others.  They understand that there is an abundance of opportunity and as long as they focus on being the best version of themselves, then the universe will deliver to them exactly what they deserve.

2) Winners talk about solutions.  Losers complain about their problems. Losers whine.  They complain.  It's too cold.  It's too hot.  Nothing is good enough.  If someone gave them $20, they'd complain that it should have been $40.  When they see a problem, the only thing they know to do is share that problem with everyone they come in contact with.  Winners don't complain.  They know that complaining is a waste of energy and reserved for losers, and instead only see problems as temporary obstacles that they must tackle and find a solution to.

3) Winners realize they don't know what they don't know.  Losers know everything. Winners are life long students.  If they're not reading books, they're listening to audios, or watching training videos, or attending training events, or speaking with people they admire and learning from them.  Even if they don't admire that person, they understand that every person they come in contact with is an opportunity to learn something new.  Not losers.  They already know everything.  Their way is the right way.  Anything else is the wrong way.  There's no point in reading books or listening to audios or attending seminars, because they have it all figured out.

4) Winners take responsibility.  Losers blame.  You can easily spot a loser because when something goes wrong, it's everyone's fault but theirs.  They live miserable, unhappy lives not because they want to, but because their boss, and their spouse, and their kids, and the weather, and the president, and the economy is to blame.  If only everything else around them were perfect, their lives would be better.  Winners take responsibility for everything.  Not only do they take responsibility when things go wrong, they refuse to take credit when things go right.  If they lead a team to failure, that failure rests on their shoulders.  If that team is lead to a win, then it's because the team worked hard and earned it.  Winners win because they acknowledge the support of others in their successes.  Losers only pop their heads up to try and take the credit.

5) Losers make excuses.  Winners make a way.  You know you've found a loser when they complain about how unhappy they are, or how hard something is to do, then when you suggest a solution to them, it's "yeah, but...".  They're not complaining to you so you can offer solutions.  They don't want solutions, they want to complain.  They want attention.  Excuses are their way of saying "I would do something about this problem, but I enjoy complaining about it more."  Winners know what they want, then find a way to make it happen.  Hell or high water.  If you want to see a massive explosion, just put a brick wall in between a winner and their goals and when the smoke clears, all you'll see is the winner standing on a pile of rubble, goals in hand.

6) Winners give.  Losers take. Winners live in a state of abundance.  They have more than enough resources to live a fulfilled life.  That's why they are always willing to give a helping hand.  They also understand the law of reciprocity, give and you shall receive.  They don't give in expectation of receiving, but give knowing that receiving is part of the natural order of things.  Losers don't understand that role.  They live lives of scarcity, of not enough resources.  So when they do get a hold of something, they hold on to it so tightly that there's no more room to receive anything else.  They live in fear of losing what they have so they never give.  They have a "I'll give when I have enough" mentality, not realizing that until they give, they'll never have enough.

7) Winners choose to design their lives.  Losers let life happen to them.  Winners are bold.  They're unconventional.  When you tell them something can't be done, they don't take that as fact, they take that as a challenge.  They learn the rules of the game not so they can play by them, but so they know how to break them.  Losers accept the status quo because, well, they're losers.  While winners seek freedom, losers seek security.  Losers expect others to take care of them and feel entitled to having the finer things in life.  Winners know better than to expect such nonsense and instead, go out and earn their place in life.

Winners win.  Losers lose.

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Mark Lopez blogs about leadership and personal development in order to strengthen his own leadership skills.  As a Christian, father, husband, and CEO of his own life, Mark looks to empower others so they can lead life by their own design.  To learn more about Mark, follow him on Facebook.