Like hair falling out (only partially from me pulling it out), rapid weight fluctuations, no such thing as a good nights' sleep sort of stress.
I remember going to a convention for my current company in Atlanta, GA and spending a few nights in a hotel there. While there, I spoke to my wife over the phone who told me about an interesting observation she made.
She said, "so you know how I make the bed each day, and each morning when we wake up the sheets are mangled and twisted and a complete mess?"
"Yes" I reply.
"Well I noticed, that during the last few nights you've been gone, all I have to do to fix the bed is get up, tuck the corner of the top sheet where I slept, and the bed's perfect."
While we both had a great laugh about it, it was definitely a sign that I obviously wasn't sleeping well. And by 'not sleeping well', I mean I was a violent sleeper. Tossing, turning, kicking, waking up 3 or 4 times before my alarm. I should have noticed from the fact that I hadn't remembered dreaming in over 5 years. Looking back, I doubt I ever reached that deep REM sleep during a typical night.
I can't even begin to talk about how little I stress these days. Like to the point where if I told you how peaceful and serene my life is, and how great I sleep at night, I'd come off as bragging.
Through this journey of mine, I learned that there are 2 main sources of stress, that once fixed, can make a world of difference.
The first source, is trying to control things we have no control over.
I'm going to say that again. The first source of stress is trying to control those things we have no control over, and will never have control over.
You're never going to control traffic.
You'll never control what other people think of you.
You can't control what other people say to you or about you.
You're never going to get everyone to like you.
And you definitely can't control the results of anything you do.
I have one piece of advice to immediately relieve your stress in those circumstances.
LET GO.
That's right. Let go! Stop trying to control everything and give it up to God, or the Universe, or whatever power you believe in that is superior to your human efforts.
You can't control traffic, stop complaining. No matter what you do, there are people who will think, say, and do things you don't want them to. In a nice a way as you can, just tell them to piss off. Just do you, be you, and if they don't like it, good. They don't need to be apart of your life anyway and now you know to stop trying to please them because nothing you do will make them any happier.
No matter how strong your efforts, you can't control the results. Only the process. No amount of practice can guarantee a team will win a game. No amount of preparation can guarantee a sale. So practice as hard as you can, prepare as much as you can, and let go of the results. That's not up to you.
This goes right into the second source of stress, which is not controlling the things you can control.
You have the choice as to how you react to what other people say and do to and about you.
You have the choice as to what you read and watch and the thoughts that enter your head.
You have the choice to decide what your priorities are and schedule your life around them.
So to that, I say, take 100% responsibility.
Stop blaming others for why you are where you are. It's not your parents fault. It's not your kids fault. It's not your boss' fault. It's not the president's fault.
If you're stressed out mentally, mediate more. Spend more time in self reflection.
If you're stressed out physically, go for a run. Do yoga. Go to the gym. Eat better foods.
If you're stressed out emotionally, call a friend and share a few laughs with them.
If you're stressed out financially, make more sales. Take control of your budget. Create a new stream of income.
Most importantly, only do things that excite you. If it doesn't excite you to do something, find someone who is excited to do it. They'll do it better, faster, you get the credit, and they get to do something they enjoy. Win-win.
It was a slow progression, but as I steadily learned to let go of all the things I had no control of and just went with the flow, rolled with the punches, I started sleeping better.
When I stopped blaming others and playing the victim and began to take control of every aspect of my life from the books I read, to the people I associated myself with, to sitting down and getting my priorities and schedule in order, I started to dream again.
How cool is that?
The simple act of deciding to take 100% responsibility for my own life allowed me to control my circumstances and now I sleep like a baby doped up on Benedryl. It's a beautiful thing.
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